How does one pick the worst reality shows? I admit it’s a challenge, liking picking the worst turd in the port-o-potty. But even though they are all turds, some of those turds are especially foul and fragrant, or have Sarah Palin shaped corn in them. So, these are the king turds. If you think I missed a show or two, let me know in the comments.
10. Bridalplasty
It’s like all the other horrible reality shows came together into some kind of Megazord of awfulness. “Bridezillas! The Swan! ASSEMBLE!” Brides-to-be compete in wedding related challenges to see who can win plastic surgery. The losers on have to get married with their normal face. The horror!
I don’t know who to root for on this show, because although I want them to experience the pain of major surgery, I don’t want any of them to achieve their misguided dreams.
9. My Super Sweet 16
My Super Sweet 16 follows teenagers celebrating an important turning point of their lives. Sounds ok, except the teens on this show are all spoiled, shallow brats, and the turning point is from douchecanoe 15 year olds, to douchecanoe 16 year olds. This show could be shown as an communist recruiting film. “See! This is what Americans are like! They cry when their daddy gets them the wrong Lexus!” I rarely say this about a television show, but this show hurts freedom.
Also, sparkles everywhere. STOP IT.
8. Britney & Kevin Chaotic
This 2005 show consisted of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s home videos, shot while they were “falling in love.” So, already gross. But what really sent this show from merely irritating to unbelievably horrible was the fact that the Brit Brit did most of the shooting herself. The “Cinematography” – yes, they called it that- was so bad, you could have gotten with better footage if you gave the camera to a monkey hopped up on Redbull.
At least the monkey would have been smart enough to not get knocked up by Kevin Federline.
7. The Littlest Groom
Although little people deserve respect and love, they apparently don’t deserve THAT much respect and love, since this show was only scheduled to run for two episodes. Hurry up and pick a bride, shorty! We can’t wait for you to take normal-height amounts of time here!
Also, it’s a deceptive title. There have been way tinier grooms. Tom Cruise is married, right?
6. Mr. Personality
No, that’s not nightmare. That’s a promo still from the show. The “twist” on this Mr. Personality was that the woman would pick her man based on personality alone, since the dudes wore scary masks all the time. What woman doesn’t want to choose from a variety of desperate, mask-wearing guys? They should have just called this show “Who wants to date Doctor Doom.”
Now this is a dating show I would watch!
Oh, and it was hosted by Monica Lewinsky, a woman famous for presidential knob-gobbling. Ratings gold!
Mr. Personality was so bad, no one has bothered to upload clips of it to YouTube. To put that in perspective, I just got 5,130 results when I searched “dog pooping.”
5,130 times more popular than “Mr. Personality.
5. Extreme Couponing
Extreme Couponing is a show about 4 shopaholics… who… save… money… by… zzzzzz. Oh, I’m sorry. I just passed out from boredom by just describing this show. It’s about people who save money using coupons. But they do it extreme somehow.
Unless one of those coupons is a razor blade that has AIDS on it, I don’t see the drama.
4. Who’s Your Daddy?
On this show, a woman who was adopted was put in a room with 25 older men. One of them was her father. If she picked out her real “daddy,” she would win $100,000. If she picked an imposter, that guy would win the money. It pioneered the “lying to women looking for a family they’ve never known” genre of reality shows, and was not surprisingly cancled after one episode.
What a fun acting exercise!
3. Sister Wives
Finally, a show that attempts to show the human side of the illegal and creepy practice of having lots of wives! Next on TLC, we learn about the human side of another group of social outcasts, on the premiere of “Dude who Bones Goats and some Goats He Has.”
2. Sarah Palin’s Alaska
In paper, this show is supposed to be about the beauty of Alaska, but in reality they should have called it “Sarah Palin proves that she’s an awesome mom and a regular woman and won’t you consider her as your next president, because she’s so down-to earth and real!” There’s an episode where the freezer is empty, and it’s almost winter! What are they going to do? Well, you could BUY FOOD, Sarah. I know they have stores in Alaska (I googled it). Nope, she travels hundreds of miles and kills a caribou.
She’s just like us!
1. Toddlers & Tiaras
Making little kids conform to unrealistic standards of “beauty” with hooker makeup and high heels sounds like something that evil people would do in secret. But no, it’s a popular thing with bad parents across the country! So why not film it?
(Warning: This video is messed up and has the worst parenting pretty much ever)
Pouring hot wax on a little girl’s face before ripping off her skin might sound like child abuse, but damn it, perfect eyebrows are worth it!
10. Bridalplasty
It’s like all the other horrible reality shows came together into some kind of Megazord of awfulness. “Bridezillas! The Swan! ASSEMBLE!” Brides-to-be compete in wedding related challenges to see who can win plastic surgery. The losers on have to get married with their normal face. The horror!
I don’t know who to root for on this show, because although I want them to experience the pain of major surgery, I don’t want any of them to achieve their misguided dreams.
9. My Super Sweet 16
My Super Sweet 16 follows teenagers celebrating an important turning point of their lives. Sounds ok, except the teens on this show are all spoiled, shallow brats, and the turning point is from douchecanoe 15 year olds, to douchecanoe 16 year olds. This show could be shown as an communist recruiting film. “See! This is what Americans are like! They cry when their daddy gets them the wrong Lexus!” I rarely say this about a television show, but this show hurts freedom.
Also, sparkles everywhere. STOP IT.
8. Britney & Kevin Chaotic
This 2005 show consisted of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s home videos, shot while they were “falling in love.” So, already gross. But what really sent this show from merely irritating to unbelievably horrible was the fact that the Brit Brit did most of the shooting herself. The “Cinematography” – yes, they called it that- was so bad, you could have gotten with better footage if you gave the camera to a monkey hopped up on Redbull.
At least the monkey would have been smart enough to not get knocked up by Kevin Federline.
7. The Littlest Groom
Although little people deserve respect and love, they apparently don’t deserve THAT much respect and love, since this show was only scheduled to run for two episodes. Hurry up and pick a bride, shorty! We can’t wait for you to take normal-height amounts of time here!
Also, it’s a deceptive title. There have been way tinier grooms. Tom Cruise is married, right?
6. Mr. Personality
No, that’s not nightmare. That’s a promo still from the show. The “twist” on this Mr. Personality was that the woman would pick her man based on personality alone, since the dudes wore scary masks all the time. What woman doesn’t want to choose from a variety of desperate, mask-wearing guys? They should have just called this show “Who wants to date Doctor Doom.”
Now this is a dating show I would watch!
Oh, and it was hosted by Monica Lewinsky, a woman famous for presidential knob-gobbling. Ratings gold!
Mr. Personality was so bad, no one has bothered to upload clips of it to YouTube. To put that in perspective, I just got 5,130 results when I searched “dog pooping.”
5,130 times more popular than “Mr. Personality.
5. Extreme Couponing
Extreme Couponing is a show about 4 shopaholics… who… save… money… by… zzzzzz. Oh, I’m sorry. I just passed out from boredom by just describing this show. It’s about people who save money using coupons. But they do it extreme somehow.
Unless one of those coupons is a razor blade that has AIDS on it, I don’t see the drama.
4. Who’s Your Daddy?
On this show, a woman who was adopted was put in a room with 25 older men. One of them was her father. If she picked out her real “daddy,” she would win $100,000. If she picked an imposter, that guy would win the money. It pioneered the “lying to women looking for a family they’ve never known” genre of reality shows, and was not surprisingly cancled after one episode.
What a fun acting exercise!
3. Sister Wives
Finally, a show that attempts to show the human side of the illegal and creepy practice of having lots of wives! Next on TLC, we learn about the human side of another group of social outcasts, on the premiere of “Dude who Bones Goats and some Goats He Has.”
2. Sarah Palin’s Alaska
In paper, this show is supposed to be about the beauty of Alaska, but in reality they should have called it “Sarah Palin proves that she’s an awesome mom and a regular woman and won’t you consider her as your next president, because she’s so down-to earth and real!” There’s an episode where the freezer is empty, and it’s almost winter! What are they going to do? Well, you could BUY FOOD, Sarah. I know they have stores in Alaska (I googled it). Nope, she travels hundreds of miles and kills a caribou.
She’s just like us!
1. Toddlers & Tiaras
Making little kids conform to unrealistic standards of “beauty” with hooker makeup and high heels sounds like something that evil people would do in secret. But no, it’s a popular thing with bad parents across the country! So why not film it?
(Warning: This video is messed up and has the worst parenting pretty much ever)
Pouring hot wax on a little girl’s face before ripping off her skin might sound like child abuse, but damn it, perfect eyebrows are worth it!
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